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Today’s blog comes from a one hip sitting position. I am sure there is a name for it in Yoga if I researched. For now, I would just call it – “Hip-asana”.

All jazzed up this Saturday morning, I woke up early and got ready to attend my beginner’s skating class starting at 9. Roller skating this time. Someone told me it’s safer to first learn on the roller skates and then get on the ice. Here is what I learnt-

Myth – Wood floors hurt less than the ice.

Truth – They hurt equally, may be more.

After a little miscalculation of the route, I was there at 9.05. The red hair-weirdly tattooed-unnecessarily pierced- girl told me the class begins at 9.15 and I had to go collect the skating shoes. I did as instructed. Although, I didn’t realize it was too late for me to learn skating until I sat on the bench to wear the skate shoes. As I bent to tie the shoe laces on my left foot, I saw one kid’s head next to me. Really? Those tiny creatures are here to learn in the same class as me…. As I bent to tie the right side, I saw an adult’s head (thank goodness, I murmured) only to realize she was tieing her (4, may be 5 year old) son’s shoe laces. Now, it started to feel awkward.

This class only cost 3 dollars, so technically, I can leave right now and not be embarrassed anymore. OR, go back to the personal lesson(47 dollars) on the ice skating rink so I don’t have any kids to compete with. I was thinking about this as a few girls came flying by on their skates announcing the class starts now and that everyone should be on the rink. And I had a quick and real inspiration moment. I want to be able to do that some day. I have to. And I crawled towards the rink.

Now, this class is, as you can guess, your 3 dollars worth. So, there are about 20 kids, and one adult. Well, one father got on the rink with his son. So technically 2 adults. But he already seemed to know how to skate. Next couple of minutes, they start showing how to skate and you’re on your own. With all the other kids, as instructed, I started walking, and I actually felt good that I did ok on the walking. No falls yet. At least I am able to finish one round while the other kids are finishing their third. It’s not THAT bad. (Except that Sympathy smile that these parents are giving me every time I look at them. It’s like saying “Awww…you’re so funny and cute to be learning this NOW” with their eyes)

I actually was better than ONE kid on the floor. He fell more times than the number of tiles on the floor. May be his average will be two falls per tile. And that’s not even the worst thing about him. The worst thing about this kid were his Helicopter parents( hovering over the kid all the time, like a chopper), and may be uncles, and aunts. I don’t know how many people came with him. There was a new one holding him every time I looked at him. And they were instructing him in a language I don’t understand. But I could tell they were giving him all the instructions they could, even though none of them were wearing the skate shoes.

So, after a few rounds of walking, they suggested some moves. I, very skeptically, tried the move, not because I wanted to, but because the instructor lady was giving me the looks. So, I was like, what the hell, let me try it. And bad decision. There comes my first fall, and let me tell you, I hadn’t realized how tall I was until this day. The whole skating rink slided in front of my eyes, as if I am browsing on the ipad screen up to down. And this was in slow motion. And then THUMP! OUCH! FUCK! THAT HURT!

As I fell and stayed on the ground for a few seconds, I had my entrepreneur moment in that fall. Now I know what my first business idea is going to be. And here it is – Wait a sec…now –

BUTT PADs!! For Beginner skating students.

It is so needed. I honestly cannot tell you how bad that fall hurt. A pair of butt pads would have helped.

Anyways, I recovered, stood up and started walking again. And as soon as I stood up, I knew that second fall was coming soon. Once you have experienced what it feels like, the anticipation of pain scares you more than the pain itself.

A few more rounds of walking and we were asked to now move to the bigger skating rink. All right, I can do this. It was actually optional, after the class practice. But the pain from the fall was starting to wear off. So, I went on. Now, this is a huge rink. And for someone crawling like me, it was going to take forever to cross it. And guess what, theory of relativity played its role. The rink was bigger, and as all those kiddos started to fly, I felt like I was on my 30 year old moped in the middle of a highway and it was giving up on me. So, as I reached my 25th step and found myself only 5 feet away from the floor, I realized I either had to find a way to cross this fast, or spend the next 15 minutes going back to the floor. So, I did my best to reach the innermost circle of the rink, and started crossing it from there. So, yeah I cheated a bit. But hey, they were only open till 5.

Finally, I started feeling a little confident and increased my speed. I had hardly forgotten about my fall and may be the inflammation on my butt that the second fall came. And this time, it was baaadd….like crazy bad. May be because I was rolling a little, the speed of the fall must’ve been faster because it felt like I fell from an airplane or something. And while I knew I was around kids, the F word came out, there was no way to take that shit without cursing a bit.

Now, I was in the middle of the rink, and the only way to go back was to skate my way back. And with my broken hips, and an equally broken neck, I skated back. I was also a little embarrassed because a 6 year old kid came and asked if I was ok. I so wasn’t, I wish I could cry like a little kid would do. But all I could say was – yeah I am fine. Damn adulthood.

So, I haven’t been able to sit properly all weekend. I was right, there was no way to do this stuff at 50, glad I am starting now. Although, this made me realize, it is a risky sport. I might put it off until I come back from India. Watching the Dal lake with a neck band and a hip plaster may not be all that fun.

Other than this, not so much happened in the weekend. I did finish all my reservations for India and am ready to pick my DSLR tomorrow. So, Canon 60D it is. From all the references, reviews, and friends’ feedback, it seemed to be the best choice. Can’t wait to hold this baby in my hands tomorrow and start feeding it.

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