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Sometimes it’s hard to understand ourselves why we want what we want. Let alone explain it to others.

(This picture taken at my daughter’s school)

Week 3 begins with a bang! The gears have shifted, the speed is full throttle, the wheels have been retracted and I am ready to pull back. This week is actually pretty important in the life of my sabbatical. Why? We’ll get to that later.

The day started with a long list of To-Dos. The worst part of staying at home – you’re at home, which happens to be the best part too, so can’t complain. Staying at home brings with it long lists of boring unimportant but urgent tasks that you can not escape from. I did a lot of that today. Apart from, offcourse, some things that I actually wanted to do.

Travelling overseas for three months brings a lot of pre-thinking, taking- care of- business- before- you’re- gone- kinda stuff. And the days that I see a lot of things to be accomplished in a single day, I resume my best tried and tested method of “to-do” list. And I can’t even explain how satisfying it is to check items off that list. Sometimes, I just make lists to feel good about myself, about tasks that have already been done. I know, that sounds stupid and childish, but you have to try it to really understand what I am talking about.

Anyways, turned in the school registration papers for Anishka, took care of some other errands, and made some more progress on the travel reservations. So, Kolkata is done, Goa is half done. As I am making these reservations, I am kinda getting nervous. The stakes are increasing, financially and emotionally, and I am running out of fingers to cross that everything goes well. Damn, I hate advanced reservations. But no other option because summer happens to be the highest season on travel to these places. And while I am skeptical to expecting that everything will go well, a part of me is saying, may be having higher stakes increases your probability of making it happen. You know what I mean? It could be other way round saying, since I have spent so much money and everything is planned; I will try my best to make sure it all goes well. So, it’s my usual optimistic way of making things happen with a higher risk rather than waiting on them to happen at a (frustratingly) low risk. To find out if I was able to prove this theory, well keep reading. Summer is almost there.

On the other hand, life keeps presenting its questions in a very frustrating and random manner. Questions that you either don’t want to recognize or you don’t want to answer. Things that you so badly want perfect that you don’t want to accept they’re not. It’s like peeling the onion. Every layer has its own color and brings its own set of tears to your eyes. And yet, it’s so important for the stuff you’re cooking, you continue to peel it, layer by layer, tear by tear.

That way my philosophically vague food for thought today.

Highlight of the day – I had a moment of truth this afternoon when I realized how lucky I am to be surrounded by so many people that understand me, support me, encourage me in everything I do.  For it is for these people, that I am able to dream and be confident to realize them. And how lucky I am to be surrounded by few who don’t understand me, discourage me and leave me unsupported. For it is for these people, that I challenge myself to do what I otherwise would not have been capable of doing.

What I am excited about today – Life. The unknown. The dark. The possibilities. The dreams that I am free to dream. The failures that I might experience. The tears I might shed. The smiles I might shower. The monsoons. The heat. The cold. The breeze. The blessings. The love. The knowledge. The action. The frustration. The satisfaction.

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