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So, you met her at the party and in the first fifteen minutes itself, hit it off pretty well. You’re feeling glad to have found one more person to talk to. The next day, you get a friend request from her and with a smile, you accept. A couple of other people who you didn’t even know existed at the party, send you friend requests too. You don’t wanna be rude, so you accept them too.

And you don’t know what you have done, until a few weeks later. You have accepted yourself “the most annoying friend” on facebook.

Now, don’t blame yourself yet. It is nearly impossible to judge someone’s “Facebook Personality” just by meeting with them personally. The two don’t match, many a times. I’ve had very meek low personality friends who are very bright and shine on facebook. And I know of some very social, loud friends who choose to be very private when it comes to facebook.

You don’t know what drives someone’s facebook personality, is it their social surrounding or their inner environment. Those are the factors to be researched by those geeks called Researchers. What we are here for, is to identify some stereotype behaviors and serve as a warning in case you are guilty of any of these annoying habits. And, don’t rush yet to go look in the mirror to see what is wrong with you. For now, just enjoy what is wrong with your friends 🙂

The Frequent flyer –  one that checks in EVERYWHERE – I have a friend from work who checks in to home, work, gym, jogging trail, “at” home “ in” bed “with” blah (I’m not kidding) and every restaurant he eats at. While it is nice to check in to places that other people might be interested in going to, I don’t need to know you are going to gym everyday and going home after that. I don’t even need to know what time you hit the bed everyday, and with whom. And for those with kids, I also don’t need to know what classes you are taking your kids to everyday. So, please don’t check in to the community swimming pool and soccer games every week. Really annoying.

The Hallmark of facebook- the  wanna be Creative – A quote a day keeps the fun friend away. I love philosophy, I do philosophy. But I don’t want stale quotes written in new fonts and decorated with new flowers, Everyday. Especially when you never post anything original. From your messages, I don’t know how you’re doing, other than being alive.

The TxtTndFBkr – The texting turned facebooker – These are the people who don’t like to type much, even at the expense of confusing their 434 friends. “Life sucks” (Welcome to the real world), “I quit” (Finally!!), “So pissed” ( And??), “WTF” (I know!!!  WTF!!!) There are two things wrong with this behavior. One, it makes people sickly curious, sometimes worried. Two – the answer is (most of the times) very bogus. And you have successfully wasted some valuable hours of people who love you, just because you wanted to save 20 seconds. Its hard to recover from that one.

The Tube – the conversationless-ist – So, these are the people who want to converse, who want to be present on facebook, but don’t know what to say/do/post. So, they post videos. Movie trailers, songs, funny videos, the most popular videos. I could live with that, unless, you are posting so many, that now I have to wear my glasses to find actual original posts from my conversation-ist friends.

The Stevie Wonders – The Obsessive-Compulsive – I just called, to say, did you check out my pictures…? Seriously?? The whole point of facebook is that you don’t have to call your friends and still be able to share. People have things to do, places to go to. Bad news. I am not going to sit in front of my news feed and hit send/receive every one minute. That’s an outlook thing, not facebook.

The newsreader – one that posts “obvious” live news– Steve Jobs is dead! Thank you. This is only the 123rd time I am hearing it this evening. Even worse, posting live scores of games, every other minute with exclamations like “Oh, man”, “woo-hoo, way to go”. No matter how much you are trying to show you are into that game, I know you’re not coz you wont be facebooking if you were really watching the game.

The Jesus – creating a Facebook church – I am religious. But I go to the temple to pray to God. Not to facebook.  Even worse, I know you are a lazy ass, but atleast pray for yourself. Don’t request your friends to pray for your perfectly fine family, all the time. Advice for you – Join the fan pages for those things and post whatever you want to, there. Not on my news feed.

The Kid –  one that cribs, cries, sobs and throws tantrums I have a collegue who I didn’t know at work is under depression. Works fine, talks fine. But I can tell from his facebook he is super depressed and untolerably frustrated with his life. He posted a picture of his MRI the other day, saying his back pain is real and those that tell him he is faking it can suck it up. Seriously??  A picture of your MRI test, ewww. First of all, your facebook friends are not doctors, second – we are not interested in examining your medical results. Third – your next job is at risk, OOPS!!

The Spy – I know what you did last summer – Last new year’s, I had a collegue come ask me, how was my new years. Being my typical “at work personality”, I said – not much, it was ok. He goes – Yeah, I saw your pictures on facebook. Imagine one of those commercials where the victim goes into flashback – going wild with the margaritas, kissing girls, doing Michael Jackson’s moon dance, real loud music, half naked people – and comes back to present with an  “OOPS” face. That’s what happened to me in those 30 seconds. Now, I had forgotten this guy was on my facebook because he is never “there”. I only have one thing to say to the spies – Share a little.

THE (Boastful) PARENT – Baby pictures, sure. Cutesy firsts, sure. Birthdays, school events, mayyy be. But, but – boasting of your kids achievements day in and day out, posting their grades (did you even ask them first??), talking about how good eaters they are, how nicely they behave, how you are so proud of them is way out of boundaries. OK, accepted, you are a good parent. Now move on.

The Social Butterfly – one with 1000 friends– This one is a bit tricky. So, this is what facebook is for. To have all your good friends in one place. But this is the friend that makes you go back and change your notification settings IF you did the blunder of commenting on something they posted. Now, all of their “active” friends are commenting too and before you know it, your mailbox is full with “Blah also commented on Blah’s post”.  Now I am wishing I had never commented on your post.

So, I think the award should go to the “Newsreader”, I find them the most annoying. That was my wisdom for today. Now, off to facebook to post about the Tornadoes we had this afternoon 😉

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