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I want to do something to make a difference in this life….cancel weightwatchers, I just don’t have time to keep entering calories and what I ate. Meg Whitman, president and CEO of eBay Inc. – the largest person to person trading site…Mumma see I made a truck from the crayons….the services bill is stable, clothes shopping is shooting high..did you buy so many clothes this month….what should I tell them you’re not coming…will you come after an hour or not coming at all….why didn’t you put the tights on her, she’ll feel cold….create a blog….but all titles are taken..what do I name it…I will travel to india next year and meet all my friends….

I wish there was a way to express parallel thoughts on paper…because all that is written above was going on simultaneously in my mind this Sunday morning. We don’t go to temple on Sunday, and while Sunday mornings should be a peaceful time with family, it is mostly chaos in our house, with lots of worries of all the pending tasks that we should’ve finished on Friday night itself but couldn’t because we were too tired to move the ass off of the couch. This happens every Sunday. Life seems to have more for us to do than we can ever possibly do even if we were the Neo of the matrix series. Last few months, it has been so busy at work, sometimes productively busy, sometimes picking up trash from other lazy asses. I have not spent what writers would call “quality” moments with my family. Most of the time is spent in dealing with the guilt. In school, about how I could spend this time with my daughter. At work, how I could be doing something more cool at school and at home, how could I do more at work and lead the herd as no one seems to have any idea of what they’re doing anyways. It’s a complex situation. May be I am looking for satisfaction that flies out the door as soon as you’re married. Or it may just be a mid age crisis which I am trying to blame the marriage for. Whatever it is, it is the opposite of autonomy. I might have taken on more than I can do. That’s what all the self improvement books tell you about. Procrastination, guilt, dissatisfaction, all the buzz words, they prove, come out of you trying to be a super hero and taking on more than you can handle. The solution, almost every book suggests in their own way, is to say NO. How, who do you say NO to, if that person you have to fight with is yourself? I don’t want to say no to school, work or my baby. I just want to be able to do more. Read more. Travel more. Laugh more. Cry more. Work more. Lead more. Sleep more. Exercise more. Do more. And there is no time.

As Shakespere rightfully said…

To be, or not to be– that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep
No more – and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to – ‘tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep
To Be, OR Not To Be…

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